Indonesian Wedding? Saying “I do” in Bali
Below is an article about getting married in Bali, that I recently wrote for WA based online magazine, The Starfish.
Year: 2008
Location: Sanur, Bali. A smart coffee shop
Me: “No. I can’t marry people! I have never done it before!”
Bali Wedding Planner: “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. We can’t let this couple down!”
Two days later, I’m hanging onto my seat in a speedboat, bouncing across mighty waves en route to Lombok, Ceremony Script encased in a soggy plastic bag. I am off to marry a couple of strangers on the island of Gili Trawangan!
I’m terrified – of the boat capsizing – and, of making a mess of this young couple’s wedding. They’ve travelled half way around the world to have their ceremony on the beautiful isle where they first met. And I’m just a little bit nervous, wondering whether what I’m about to do is even legal.
Thankfully, the boat doesn’t sink – nor the wedding. The Wedding Planner had written a divine script, the venue was glorious, and everything went off beautifully.
Having lost my husband to cancer three years earlier, I hadn’t been that sure how I would cope with conducting such a romantic ceremony, especially one with the words, “Till death us do part!” Thankfully, it all went smoothly…and I enjoyed my role so much, I’m now a professional celebrant!
The Sanur coffee shop meeting took place during my year living in Bali, soon after my husband’s death. I had promised myself to say “yes” to every opportunity that presented itself.
After that first Wedding, I conducted two more ceremonies in Bali, before returning to WA and deciding to train to become Civil Marriage Celebrant.
I am now a full-time celebrant. I conduct weddings in WA in summer, moving to Bali from June to August each year, to perform marriage ceremonies there.
Balinese flower girls
Bali weddings have become increasingly popular over the past few years, especially among young Australians. However, some 30-40% of these brides and grooms will conduct the ‘legals’ in Australia prior to travelling to Indonesia.
Of course marrying in Bali, while romantic, can present its own special challenges. For a start, there are frequent tropical rain showers to contend with.
But any wedding planner over there will tell you the way around that is to simply hire a Pawang Hujan (Rain Guide) for your special day!
These Holy Men, who many truly believe possess such magical powers, are said not completely stop the rain from falling: they just ‘transfer’ it to somewhere else!
Katrina Simorangkir, owner of Bali Weddings International, is a big fan of using a Rain Guide. “We certainly offer this service to our guests who are here for the wet season and in our 21 years, it has always worked”.
Katrina recalls one memorable ceremony: “We were the organisers for a large wedding group from Java – and the bride had her own Pawang Hujan. He was apparently sitting on a hill in Java and controlling the rain in Bali. This couple married in a church in Tuban and their guests were transported by buses, first to the Church; then from the Church to the Reception venue in Seminyak. I remember it poured with rain every time they were on the buses, but with the rain stopping every time they disembarked!
“The hotel had been so worried about the rain for this very big garden event due to the rain they had experienced during the day – but there was not a drop as the Bridal Party and guests walked from the buses to the garden of the resort! The hotel management was stunned to learn that the bride’s Pawang Hujan was taking care of it all from Java!”
Rohan, of the wedding planning company, Beyond Events Bali, says, “We definitely use rain men all the time and they work too – we escaped any wet weddings so far, thankfully.”
The services of a Pawang Hujan (who might spend 3-4 days working and fasting on behalf of the bride and groom) would usually be between $100 – $300.
Apparently, when black clouds threatened John Paul II’s visit to Jakarta in October 1989, the talents of a Pawang Hujan were also on hand. (I wonder if the Pope knew?)
As you can see, Weddings in Bali can open up a whole new world…..
For more information about Rain Guides, or anything else to do with Getting Married in Bali, I can be reached via my website.
Wedding Etiquette
By Elysium Functions
Wedding Etiquette Question 1.
The dreaded guest list…
When each guest might effectively ‘cost’ $150- $200 who is included? And who gets left off the guest list?
One of the hardest cuts is to the new partner of a good friend. How do you decide when someone has been dating one of your friends long enough to be part of the ‘wedding guest list’? Is there a time frame?
Or is it about whether you know the other person – sometimes we don’t see friends for months or years at a time, but still want them at the wedding. How do you handle the situation regarding their new (to you) boyfriend or girlfriend? Is there a rule? I would love your thoughts on this one! Or how important is it to you that all your guests are happy and also enjoying your wedding? It can be difficult as a single person to attend a wedding surounded by couples and feeling a bit ‘left out’. Sending out invitations with “plus friend/partner” can be expensive, but also inviting partners can make the day more enjoyable for your guests. But I know single friends who decline wedding invitations if they are expected to go alone… not easy is it. What is your view of this? Perhaps you could let me know either on facebook or through my website contact page.
Your Celebrant for Perth or Bali
Almost 100% of the couples that I marry already live together. Many of them already have children. This means that choosing to get married is about taking an existing relationship to a different level, at a time of their choosing.
It seems that many couples still feel that getting married does make a difference, after all…….
They couple declares to the world: “Hey, we did it! We got it right! We know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together and now want to publicly declare that in front of family and friends”. I love this about being a Celebrant – it is such a privilege and an honour to be a part of this intimate, yet public moment in people’s lives
I love these stories – hearing them and telling them. Realising that no matter how people’s journeys differ, they are often are so similar.
What is your story? Maybe you can get in touch, so that we can meet for a coffee and a chat……
I specialise in:
Perth Ceremonies: whether weddings, same sex ceremonies, commitment ceremonies or naming ceremonies. I offer low key, simple midweek ceremonies (think.. getting married, with a glass of champagne in hand, at sunset with a couple of close friends) to traditional, personalised ceremonies in front of hundreds of guests.
Bali Ceremonies: having lived in Bali at one time, I have developed a network of excellent suppliers there – from local celebrants, to photographers, venues or wedding planners. I can tell you about the joys of a Bali Wedding and can suggest ways to avoid some of the possible disasters, at the same time as helping you with the legalities.
As Dr Seuss said, “I am weird, you are weird. Everyone in this world is weird. One day two people come together in mutual weirdness and fall in love.”
Overseas Wedding. Should you give a present?
So, you have been invited to a friend’s wedding in Bali? The burning question is: should you buy a wedding present? After all, you might have just forked out $1000 just to attend!
A while ago I asked this question on Facebook and it generated a great deal of debate. I was prompted to ask, because a young friend of mine, who was living in London at the time, had been invited to be Best Man at his mate’s wedding in Europe. My friend and his wife spent more than $1000 on air tickets, accommodation, clothes etc – only to find that the groom was disappointed that he hadn’t brought gifts as well.
Although destination weddings have always been an option, they have become increasingly popular in the past decade. This is partly because prices here have soared, with the average price of a wedding being about $40,000 in Australia. My favourite investment writer, Scott Pape talks about ways to reduce this figure
However, going overseas means that couples can perhaps have the wedding of their dreams for up to half the cost, without having to follow Scott’s cost-cutting measures! Also, with travel becoming cheaper, the Destination Wedding can seem like a fun and cost effective option.
But where the Bride and Groom might save money, for the guests, it can cause them to spend a great deal more than usual. If attending a wedding in their home town, guests might buy some new clothes; they will fork out for a wedding gift and possibly add in a night’s accommodation or a taxi fare. Costs would be completely within the guests’ control in this situation.
However, if invited to an overseas wedding, guests are often compelled to use up leave, travelling to a destination that they might not otherwise have chosen for their annual vacation. They need to pay for flights and accommodation; with the Bride and Groom often expecting their guests (particularly Bridal Party) to stay in the same hotel/villa as themselves.
For the couple to then expect wedding presents from these same guests might be stretching the friendship, one would think? However, there are some horror stories.
Gordon, one commenter on my original Facebook post, stated: “Overseas wedding = NO GIFTS!!! If I was asked to gift after paying exorbitant money to be there, I would buy them something really f#%*ing big and let them work out how to get it home. I would buy them a 1 tonne/6′ tall Balinese statue !”
A mother of one young lady, planning a wedding in Bali, wrote: “Wow, are they really friends with these people … I would think the people haven’t given presents as they couldn’t afford it and had spent enough already … Who would sulk about not getting presents, when they have made the effort and spent the $$ to be there on their special day ..On the bridal party question, we are paying for all their outfits etc and have spoken to them about costs etc.. And everyone seems happy! Communication would seem to be the answer.”
Another said: “I would think that if you choose to have your wedding overseas you should be able to pay for the bridal party and the guests pay for themselves, but I don’t think you should expect gifts as well… that’s a bit steep”.
Then of course, there is another issue – culture and age. Older people still prefer to give gifts – and are gradually becoming more comfortable with the Wishing Well scenario! Asian guests will always want to give a gift of some sort, as culturally it can be seen as rude to turn up empty handed.
A Vietnamese lady, Trinh, put it like this: “If we don’t bring anything to the wedding, inside I will feel weird and strange while everyone in the wedding does. For me, I will bring something small such as an wedding album, a wedding frame, a couple of special even glass…by the way I believe my attendance in their wedding is the biggest expectation that they would like”.
So what should the protocol be, for this quite new, but increasingly popular, scenario? Is it ok just to turn up empty handed? Should the couple make it very clear on the invitation that they are grateful for your ‘presence’ only?
As traditions quickly change and cultures meld, it is hard to work out the correct way to deal with these scenarios. In the old days, the rules were hard and fast – making it more unlikely that mistakes would be made. However today misunderstandings occur as there are few guidelines; and as a couple get caught up in the excitement and frenetic planning, they can often not realise the faux pas that are being made. Friendships can become very strained if thoughtlessness leads to the kind of upsetting scenario that my friend in Europe experienced. (From being Best Man at the wedding, my friend and the Groom no longer speak to each other!)
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Perhaps together we can come up with some guidelines? Wouldn’t that be useful….
If you would like to contact me privately about this, or anything else to do with Weddings, either here or abroad, please click here.
Some ways to make your Wedding Ceremony reflect you as a couple.
Your wedding ceremony – some ways to make it reflect you as a couple.
Sometimes there are special words that mean a lot to you….
Like some words from a favourite song?
Or from a movie?
Or it could be that you have always loved Shakespeare’s sonnets?
Or even certain prayers, or readings from the Bible. Perhaps that classic piece from Corinthians? You know the one? “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy….”
Your wedding is a great opportunity to incorporate and weave some of these favourite words into your story – reflecting your personality and your feelings about this wonderful occasion.
Of course, you might like to keep everything simple and stay with a traditional and standard script? But for those of you who really want to take advantage of Australia’s wonderful Civil Marriage laws, (we have the best in the world) there are several opportunities for this creativity during your Marriage Ceremony, such as:
1. Entrance music for the bride (or for the couple if walking in together)
2. Readings, prayers or poems at any point during the ceremony. A poem can be read for the couple, by the celebrant or by a family member or friend? A particularly moving song might be played or sung during the ceremony? The Bride and Groom might like to read a poem to their guests, perhaps! All things are possible.
3. The ring exchange can be a great opportunity to add your personality and feelings into the script in a low key way. Examples such as:
a) I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today.
b) I give this ring in remembrance of this moment. It is a symbol of our love: one that is complete, beautiful and endless.
4. Vows. This can be the most moving part of the whole ceremony, particularly if the bride and groom choose to personalise these promises. Legally, there are a few words that need to be said, but after that you can add as few or as many words as you wish, making the vows your very own. There are some traditional words to be found on several websites – or you can be a ‘free spirit’ and write something completely from scratch.
Usually these will be printed and read to each other during the ceremony, but some couples actually like to learn them off by heart! Mostly it’s a good idea to keep the vows reasonably short, but a letter form can also work well. During one wedding I was nervous about how the guests might react to the couple reading two A4 pages each! They made promises to each other, to their children and to their families and friends. I needn’t have worried…. This was an absolutely beautiful moment – and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. (including those of the Celebrant!)
Go here for some vows examples.
Please feel free to ask me if there is anything I can help with, regarding the crafting of an individual and personalised ceremony for this most joyous event in your lives – the day that you declare to the world that you have chosen the person with whom you wish to spend the rest of your life!
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